So, shocker of all shockers... I did it!!! This is a very exciting day for me. I actually woke up at 5am as I had intended and did not hit snooze or set an another alarm for a later time. I actually woke up when my alarm went off and headed straight for my "sanctuary," a little alcove in my living room, where I sat on a cushion on a prayer rug with a shawl draped around me. It was the ideal setting, a nice cozy comforting atmosphere.
Now, I had planned to sit there until 5:15, and I had set an alarm so I would know when my time was up without constantly having to interrupt my serenity by checking my phone for how long it had been already, but I thought maybe something was wrong with my alarm. I mean, it MUST be 5:15 ALREADY, I thought to myself. Surely I set the alarm for 5:15pm by mistake... right? I'll sit for for a couple more minutes. Time always goes slowly on this cushion for me... But it must be 5:15 already, or at least close to it. I just had to look and double-check. If I had sat there and waited until the alarm went off, I could have been there forever. It could be 5:30 already for all I know! What if the alarm really is messed up... how long will I sit here before checking. Now was as good a time as any. How relaxing is this meditation anyway if I can't stop thinking about at which point I will stop to check the time...
It was 5:12. Oh well. 12 minutes isn't too bad for my first day. Of course, I don't know how fulfilling it actually was for my spirituality when I sat there most of the time thinking about whether it was 5:15 already and what I would write for my blog! Be a mountain, I said to myself. You are a mountain, and all of these thoughts are just clouds floating by you. Still your mind. Quiet your mind. I tried to imagine myself standing tall, calm and still, like a mountain, with all my busy, crazy thoughts simply drifting along. This is good- I'll have to add this to my blog later!!!
Oh, well. It's only Day 1, what can you expect!?! At least I actually woke up at 5.
This sounds exactly like me. I would have been sitting there thinking about the time and what I needed to do when I got to school. None of the things you are supposed to be thinking. But keep it up at least you started.
ReplyDeleteBaby steps! Baby steps. I get tired of saying and hearing that but that's where you have to start. I was trying to recover from an accident and have struggled with having to sit so much with all my classes. I will get there but it's baby steps. You will do it too!
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